This week was a scorcher with temperatures about 10 degrees hotter on the black rubber field. It was also a day of blood with almost every team having someone leave the field bleeding. Some were over-achievers and had multiple bleeders. We had players from some teams who chanted, “Are these the replacement Refs?” which resulted in the Refs finding ways to throw their flags. The Refs wanted me to relay a message, “please tell your players that if there are any arguments with the Refs during playoffs it will result in penalties or ejection.” Now that’s over we can get into the game recaps.
Game 1: Snoop Lions 39 (4-0); Pro Boners 26 (2-2)
10am must have been too early because the morning slowed down the Pro Boners to allow Snoop Lions to score within the first 5 seconds of the game. The Snoop Lions have a TJSL record with 4 straight games with a TD within the first 5 seconds. The QB on the Snoop Lions put on a clinic on how to distribute the football by throwing a TD to 6 different players (Ryan, Ian, Matson, Steve “Beard”, Kenny, & Emily). This just shows the Snoop Lions depth even with 3 guys absent. After throwing 6 TDs to 6 different players Chad glared at the team and said, “Is there no one else?” The women for Snoop Lions were able to strut their stuff when 3 different women made plays during the victory. While the QB (Chad) for Snoop Lions was putting on his clinic, the QB for Pro Boners was putting on a magic show. His grand finale was making his shorts slowly disappear during the game, which lead to a couple of people yelling, “I know how he does that trick.” It came to a point where it looked as if he was playing in his spandex underwear with an apron. There is a point where people make drastic decisions to keep cool on hot days.
Game2: NoBama 18 (1-3); 50 Shades 6 (0-4)
Before this game, I needed to get the paramedics on speed dial. Two weeks ago, the QB for 50 Shades was carried off the field on a stretcher, and last week the QB on Nobama tore his Achilles tendon. We almost had another injury when a female from Nobama decided she was going to pull a safety blitz and tackle the QB for 50 Shades. Afterwards, chants of, “That’s what I call a sack lunch” came from the crowd. This was a crucial game for the winless with each team trying to get their first win. If anyone saw the West Virginia vs. Baylor game over the weekend: this was the complete opposite. Both teams couldn’t get their offenses going. It was a game of terrible catching rather than a defensive battle. The score was 6-0 at half. It would have been at least 6-6 at half were it not for a wide-open drop by Nobama that resulted in the Referee throwing a flag for, and I quote, “excessive embarrassment.” ←True Statement. The highlight of the game and joy for many around the TJSL Intramural community came when Team NoBama showed up with their Chick-fil-a shirts turned inside out. This speaks to their character in wanting to end the controversy.
Game 3: Do Work 32 (1-3); Learned Hand 28 (2-2)
This victory for Do Work was the most improbable of predictions. The Gabeline had Learned Hand at -9.5. This game was actually pleasant without any negative incidents. Do Work finishes the year with a lonely win which wasn’t enough to get them into playoffs with a record of 1-3. They Did Work….last year. Tim, from Do Work, wanted me to make sure there was something in the write-up about his one-handed interception. Tim showed he was multifaceted by displaying his ability to distract the opposing team when he left the line of scrimmage, walked to the sideline, had a chat, and sipped Gatorade while he was still on offense. This deception allowed Do Work to score a TD with only 6 players. Even with the disappointing loss, Learned Hands should wash themselves from this defeat and get ready to make a run during playoffs.
Game 4: Multiple Scoregasms 34 (4-0); Balls Out Screamers 18 (2-2)
With team names like these, I expected a loud but entertaining show. Once again, the Scoregasms GOT OFF and scored early, which according to their team name, GOT THEM OFF again. This trend continued the entire game until they just couldn’t go anymore. It’s needless to say but they scored 5 times. Scoregasms FINSHED THEMSELVES with an undefeated 4-0 record and a first round bye. As for Balls Out, they left with them tucked between their legs. This team should have never laid a finger on my butter fingers and instead invested in gloves and cleats. They had plenty of opportunities to score. If their players weren’t slipping on the field then it was the ball slipping out of their hands. Some people could have blamed the loss on Brianna who showed her lack of dedication to the pink team when she came out covered head to toe in pink wear but failed to remove a blue headband. Balls Out Screamers need to get it together before they face undefeated Snoop Lions in the opening game of playoffs.
Game 5: TJSL Stallions 38 (4-0); Show Us Your TD’s 12 (0-4)
This game started with the Referees warning the Stallions (team headband) about their previous conduct. This match up looked like a slaughter when SUYT started with 5 players and defeated record against an undefeated foe. The score is quite deceiving for how close this game was during the first half. The QB for the Stallions threw two interceptions that resulted in the scores tied 12-12 at half. The Stallions tightened their headbands for a resurgence during the 2nd half. They scored 26 unanswered points. The QB for the Stallions had to make up for throwing 3 INTs by catching 3 INTs of his own. By giving up 148 points in 4 weeks, Show Us Your TDs had plenty of TDs to witness. We know SUYT are studying for midterms after one of their players starting telling a member of the Stallions about how a ball left on the sidelines was a type of strict liability. I don’t know how he came to that conclusion when strict liability covers animals and dangerous activities like dynamite blasting. I doubt flag football could meet any of the three rules for dangerous activities. He would have got more points for simple negligence.
So far, the season has seen its head lumps and broken ankles, its high fives, low fives, and occasional chest bumps. We have seen the sober and hung over. Next week is playoffs and if your team plans to play multiple games I would suggest bringing water and dames. The rosters are set so don’t plan on adding a friend because during the playoffs the rosters will be checked from beginning to end.
|Division 1||Division 2|
|TJSL Stallions||4-0 (70)|
|Learned Hands||2-2 (96)||Snoop Lions||4-0 (76)|
|Balls Out Screamers||2-2 (113)||Pro Boners||2-2 (69)|
|Do Work||1-3 (120)||#NoBama 2012||1-3 (71)|
|50 Shades of Grey||0-4 (99)||Show Us Your TD's||0-4 (148)|